We all know those young ladies who were fortunate enough to be “Daddy’s Girls,” the girls who were spoiled rotten by their fathers and knew they could always count on daddy. I was never one of those girls but I also never thought anything of it because yes, my dad wasn’t apart of my life, but I had two older brothers and six uncles to fill any voids he may have left. Nonetheless, girls like me tend to get labeled with having “Daddy Issues,” meaning that we display behaviors or mindsets that indicate that our father was not apart of our lives physically or mentally.
Seeing that my dad was never a major part of my life I felt that it wasn’t possible for me to have these so called “daddy issues.” However, as I got older and started building an interest in boys I started noticing habits that I didn’t initially think were quote on quote toxic, but later down the line found out that they were indeed stemming from buried traumas. I’m learning everyday that I exhibit more of these signs than I thought, so I’m learning right along with you. Here are five behaviors that confirm that you have “Daddy Issues:”
1. You only date older men
In many cases when women don’t have their father there to guide them they look for that “father-figure” in the men they date. Ask Men defined one trait of a woman with daddy issues as “…one who yearns for a protective older male figure to fill the emotional void left by her inadequate father.”
2. You crave attention
I know this one is huge for me. I’ve always been that girl who will basically fall in love with you because you’re simply being nice. Anybody who could make me laugh or gave me a compliment pretty much ended up with my number.
3. You are jealous/over-protective
I identified with this one on a WHOLE new level. Madamenoire said it best in her PAPA PAINS blog that, “In dating situations, she may be a bit jealous, clingy and overly protective of her man because she’s afraid he’ll leave her just like her father did.” That one read me for filth. In many relationships (intimate and platonic) I get extremely attached and fear that if I get too clingy and irritating they’ll leave me; or they’ll find someone with less issues and better looks and leave. No matter which turn it takes — they’re gone. So I end up in this dilemma of caring so much about someone but not wanting to show it too much because I don’t want them to get scared off by my clinginess and leave, and then here I am again, heartbroken, because I get too attached far too fast.
4. You try to leave people before they leave you
This directly correlates back to number three. With the thought of men leaving you looming over your head you tend to push them away and leave before they can leave and hurt you first. I’m very guilty of this because I would rather leave before I get too attached (since its inevitable) but this can ruin a lot of already or potentially great relationships.
5. You use your sexuality as your power
Now, this one can be tricky. In many cases when your father isn’t there to show you how to treat your body and teach you how to deal with men you can go down a road of using sex as your weapon and coping mechanism. However, some women can just see themselves as sexually liberated and doing just what men do on a regular basis. I agree with both mindsets, but let’s remember, I did just admit that I suffer and have been suffering from daddy issues. That’s why I said this is tricky, because we have every right to do whatever we want with our body but sometimes we don’t take into account that there may be a deeper meaning behind our actions.
I know I dropped a lot on you guys and some of the information may be stirring up something you didn’t realize was there, but that’s the point. We want to unmask these ugly truths so we can begin to heal. No matter what I wrote in this posts I want you guys to know that just because our dads weren’t there doesn’t mean we’re doomed when it comes to love. Women who grew up without fathers find love everyday and live happy and fulfilling lives despite his shortcomings. No matter what, always be grateful for the people who stayed, love yourself enough to know the signs and work towards getting rid of them, and most importantly – HEAL. Forgive him for not being there to witness the growth of this BOMB BOSS BABE. Forgive so you can move forward and rid yourself of any traumas that were holding you back.
Please feel free to let me know in the comments if you know of any other signs and if any one of these signs resonated with you. Bye for now Sugar Plums!
“Stop assessing your value and worth by the amount of people who have walked out of your life.” -Nikita Gill