First, let me start by saying SORRYYYY. I promised myself I would give you guys some new content every Sunday, and look at me now scrambling to get something to my sugar plums after missing 3 weeks *inserts crying emoji*. In my defense I recently got a second job and summer quarter started and as you know I’m a full-time grad student sooooo sis had legit reasons. NONETHELESS, I am back on track (hopefully, life comes at you fast) and I want to chat with you guys about how I’m managing to find some peace in this chaotic life of mine.
Thriving Through Trauma
I have yet to go very in depth about a lot of things I’ve been through in previous relationships and how they’ve affected me mentally and emotionally (we’ll cry about that another day). To sum it all up in one quick overtly sad statement, I felt unworthy, unloveable, unattractive, and any other un-word you can think of. After a bad break up due to cheating almost two years ago, I went into a dark place where I questioned everything, my ability to ever be loved completely, if my aggressive attitude and personality was due to childhood traumas or just guys who left scars when they left, if I was pretty enough to be loved without worries of cheating, etc. Regardless of all of these dark thoughts I managed to drag myself out of that hole of self-doubt and began to build myself back up again. Before I did anything else I made sure to tell myself that I’m beautiful, I’m intelligent, I’m destined for so many great things, and I am capable of loving and being loved. These daily affirmations and working to change the way I think about myself was the jumpstart to my self-love journey. It’s so funny that I planned on writing this post tonight because as I was finishing up my homework (as to why I’m posting so late) I was assigned this reading called Thinkertoys and the preface shook my whole spirit. It honestly still amazes me how speaking better about yourself and turning any negative thought into a positive one can help you to manifest powerful things in your life and will change your whole perspective of yourself and the world around you.
You’re Not My Source of Happiness, You’re an Addition to My Happiness
So, along this journey I started focusing on things that made me happy, only doing things that made me feel good, and being around people who DID NOT disturb my peace. When you make a conscious decision to set boundaries, which is hard for me because of how close my platonic relationships are, you become very serious about only doing things that serve you and not doing things that drain you. When I finally took heed to my mom’s infamous statement, “No, is an answer” my peace levels increased and my stress levels decreased. There is also another factor that added to this new found happiness, hence this subtitle, I am currently experiencing someone who is turning out to be an amazing addition to my happiness. I truly believe that when I started carrying myself differently, walking in my purpose, and discovering my worth I started attracting different energies and people. That being said, experiencing this new person and the right way to be treated as a woman has been refreshing and I appreciate having someone come along who doesn’t stress me out, understands that I am a woman with my own mind and goals that I will not put to the side, and wants to genuinely learn me and care for me. So he is apart of my happiness, but sis is still the sole owner and provider of this peace and happiness I’ve worked so hard on.
Like I said before, life comes at you fast. When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, stop. Stop whatever you’re doing, step away, and breathe. It isn’t written anywhere that we have to overextend ourselves in order to make everyone else happy. Make yourself happy, find your peace, find your purpose, set your own goals, and attack them everyday. If you have to choose anything, choose yourself, always. You have worked too hard to build yourself back up after this world tried to break you down to live life for anyone but yourself. You deserve peace after all of the fighting you’ve done.
Well would you look at that, sis disappeared for awhile but came back with some HEAT!
I’m smiling from ear to ear right now because I’m so happy to be back chatting with you ladies. You guys are a piece of my peace and making these posts for y’all not only hopefully helps you, but they definitely help me more than you know. In order to make sure I stay up-to-date with posting, let me know in the comments or in my DM on Twitter @skinlovepeace what you want to chat about next.
Bye for now!
“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.” – Eleanor Roosevelt